update & new low weight?

i'm in a library, waiting for my father to return any minute. but i have internet access for the first time in awhile.
i have wonderful comments, & i wish i had time to read & reply to them all, but i can't right now.

i'm in utah, a million light years away from home. .. wherever that is.
i don't know where home is. i don't have one anymore.
i'm staying in dad's friends auto shop, i sleep on a couch next to machinery & a loading dock. i think this'll only last until the end of the month. but i don't know where to go from there. physicaly & otherwise.
i live in a routine. clockwork. same activities daily, trying to remember that i have smile once in awhile. i keep forgetting that staring off into space is not the appropriate look to not get noticed.
i'm getting better/worse, depending on how you look at it.

i cannot stop binging & purging, though my current living conditions have certainly helped me.

advice for anyone looking to kick mia in the ass:
try camping.

no seriously, public washrooms far away. only having a sertain amount of food. no rooms to disappear off into to binge in private.
(ok, unless you can purge in the woods, bring an assload of bread & junk/prepared food & not avoid campfires & smores(holyfucksugar) & camp alone. because then it would not be helpful in the least.)
but i was living in a campsite for a few days & i didn't purge.

i am at my lowest weight ever.

so why do i still feel so huge?

oh right, it's because i'm at 19.4% body fat, which is normal - high, so all my weight loss is deteriorated muscle.

bmi: 16.1

weight: 97lbs-ish.

my mind is faiding away. i don't know if i want it back.


i miss you guys, all so much.
staystrong, page.