happy birthday, blog.

winter brake i went to my grandmas; ate enough cookies to gain twelve pounds, but lost two. i do however believe i've gained them both back & then some since i've come home.
the crazy part is that while i was there, i was forced to eat. three meals a day, which is just plain old insanity for my system. i also had to eat real food, real butter & jam on white toast, & eggs with yokes, 2% milk, -shudders- & didn't throw up most of that because it was mixed in with vegetables & meat; neither of which i feel comfortable purging. but yet amazingly i lost weight. i also exercised a tad, which is more than i've been doing lately. so the moral of this story is:

binging & purging doesn't work all that well.
after a certain point, you're stuck.

 at my grandmothers people are very suspicious of the amount of time i spend in the washroom. the last few days i had people knocking on doors to check if i was ok & such. i also plugged quite a few toilets purging too much into an old septic system which was hard to hide.
revelation: i generally don't purge when i'm around my aunt for dinner (mind you that's mostly vegetables anyways,) or lucy's family (but only family dinners, i've still purged pizza & icecream & snacks at her parties).i don't know what it is about being around families that makes me more nervous. something to do with the effort into the food maybe?

hoodia pills, though expensive so i rationed them, saved me at meals where i knew i wasn't going to be able to purge much or wasn't guaranteed i could at all.

as for new years, i spent it at greens party.
well, a lot happened i guess, but let's just summarize the good stuff & i'll try not to ramble & bore you all.
there's a boy i like, quite a bit (george). he drove me, lucy & jay to the party. we talked together quite a bit. when he drove me home he dropped me off last & we ended up sitting in my driveway (in his car) talking for a couple of hours. UNFORTUNATELY I HAD TO PEE SO BAD, so i made an excuse & left. damn we could've talked forever .. [OK SORRY I'M OFFICIALLY LAME - moving on.]
there were many great quotes from many very drunk/high people, but one that sticks out was from george (who was sober too). when asked if we were dating (because apparently we were very flirtatious withe each other the entire evening), he responded;

"i can't be going out with her, 
she's as big as my thigh!"

{by the way, i'm really not.}
now at the time it was sorta like my heart was torn out a little bit, so i just laughed. & i don't know what the relevance of me being smaller has anything to do with us going out.
so clearly we can see that i'm not that small. though i so wish i was.
[useless information:
the me sitting on someone; it's just that i was scooped up a few moments before the picture. 
& that's my red hair colour of the moment. me, lucy, george, jay & the gut i'm sitting on were all sober. in this picture other people not so much.]

of my new years resolutions last year, i think the only one on that huge list that i accomplished was keeping this blog. which by the way, has been running for three-hundred sixty-eight days.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, BLOG!
i don't think i'll make my list this year near as long.
i would love to say that never binging & purging again would be at the top of my list, but that's a daily occurrence that i don't think is going away soon.

new years resolutions plan:

1. fast at least once a month.
(i know that's an awful little, but fasting is pretty difficult for me. i'll maybe up it later)
aim for daily intakes under 1000.
(exceptions may be made up to 1200 for special occasions.)

2. take vitamins & skin medication daily.
use diet, sleep, & anxiety pills when needed, that's what they're there for.

3. have at least five days vegetairan & five days vegan a month. MINIMUM
(always aim for more. it's easier to organize my schedule around if they're not all in a row.)

4. don't binge for the hell of it. think about what you're eating.
continue to always count your calories & post them more often.

5. use distractions from food.
(read & knit more, snack less!)

6. exercise!
(get fit & tone up.)

7. graduate high school.
(simple enough right?)

8. do not get kicked off curling for crappy marks & attendance.
(that would just be stupid page, smarten up.)

9. don't let mother tear you down.
don't let her take other problems out on you.
don't let her stop you from accomplishing something.

10. don't be too chicken to try things, & stand up for yourself.
(7.5 *cough-don't be scarred of boys/relationships-cough* get a grip.)

11. don't let mia ruin anything.
(social life, school work, sports, etc.)

12. do get some sleep once in awhile.
(this is being posted at 5:02am..)

13. post on this blog more often.
although i do read all your blogs all the time, i'll make an effort to comment more!

14. achive all weight goals on time, & set them realisticaly.
(maintain under 95lbs before prom, so if i go i'll look gorgeous.)

i also have a big english assignment, where we're supposed to interview people with interesting stories in their life. i was hoping to do it on you guys?
i'll post the questions hopefully later today & if any of you would be willing to answer some of them it would be so much appreciated!!
more details to come.

thank you sophie who said my holiday cookies in my last post looked lovely.

staystrong & sleeptight!
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