happy sugar-coma-day.

first things first, today - halloween - i got the same amount of followers as my goal weight. 95. 

just gotta say, WOW. you guy's are amazing. when i started this, i never expected to have this many, if any, followers, ever. i truly love reading your blogs & i love the wonderful support you all give me. 

thanks!

   yesterday, i got my ears pierced. yay. i went with lucy & jay, i was super freaked out & kept shaking. i have little pale blue studs in now.
we also found a huge mall, underground. it was so crazy because not only did it have the sketchiest fabricland & dollar stores ever, but it had a massive holt renfrew, an american apparel, & two starbucks, such a weird mix. all under a large section of office buildings. it was like narnia.

   today's halloween, & yes i am sitting at home. not for lack of offers, but because last year i went to three places, & it's too much work. i didn't get home until five am. this year i couldn't decide if i wanted to go trick-or-treating for cans, to go dress up & see a show, to go to an actual party, or to a smaller one. i wasn't going to be stressed out going around on a sunday night this year, so this morning i cleared my schedule & decided to stay home & do homework.

   i'm on blogger so that didn't work well, but at least i'm catching up on something.
i'm doing awful in school, purely because i don't hand anything in.

   two nights ago i put my teeny-tiny thick little cuts back in the corner of my wrist, right over the scars of the old ones. they're only a few mm's long each, not suspicious. & last night i went back to (no mark) burning myself again. + another thin line along my hip. i know i've never really written about this stuff on my blog before, but i guess i'm anonymous here so i'm safe. the one thing i never do it put anything noticeable in a place where someone can see. & it's almost always just done to help me sleep. - anyways,
i hadn't done anything in awhile, i think mostly because i'd been binging so much, & staying up for days so i didn't need to sleep, & that i was hurting myself anyways. i'm thinking today that the return of this SI behavior will hopefully mean i'll soon achieve restriction. & i'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, or you think it's stupid for me to be almost happy i have compulsions to hurt myself, but thinking through my actions today, i know that little irritating skin things are nothing in comparison to the hurt i've put on my organs through purging, so as twisted as this is, SI is my healthier behavior.

  i do keep meaning to post a few blogs by lovely ladies that could use some more love, but i haven't gotten around to doing that yet. sorry. it will come.

 Sous le Sourire & AnorexicMedic, i'm so proud of both of you for going from mia to ana. i'm having such a hard time with it, it's like i need to stuff my face once i've had a bite of anything, & i need to then purge it.
AnorexicMedic - i know what you mean about being jealous, i used to binge & wish & pray i could purge it before. now that i can i think i might just wish i'd never began. i do take a couple daily vitamins, but the thing i really want is that in the states they have poweraid ZERO. in canada they only have regular, but i drank tones of the zero mixed with water when i was there, it's a miracle cure for balancing your system after a huge purge. i wish i had some of that.

 ok girls, just saying, i've had 99 commentson this blog. not a competition or anything, but who ever does end up commenting on this post first is lucky 100.

  have a nice night ladies, staystrong.

happy halloween.