so here's a few points.
- i tried to stop purging. couldn't even manage a few days without it. hurt myself purging & decided to never purge again. but here i am holding hands with mia.
- need to tell someone in the real world. was going to tell a good guy-friend, he's the only one i've ever confirmed ana to, & decided i would tell him when i went a week without mia, so he would celebrate with me. didn't happen. almost told my GP (regular doctor) because i was in so much pain but i chickened out. decided to tell my brother. (he doesn't live in the same country as me & has little to no contact with our parents so he's safe.) only got out that i wasn't dealing with food well. he now thinks i have the flu.
- (Karma:) i now have the flu. between me being sick from purging to me having the flu & sinusitis i've been off for two weeks and haven't done a spot of homework the entire time. i'm about three weeks behind & failing all my classes. i'm going to pull an all-nighter to see what i can get done because i'm hauling my sorry ass to school tomorrow no matter what.
- my mother has informed me that i shouldn't waste my time going to a university fair because no school will ever accept me. (she said that awhile ago & until recently because i've been sick that was so utterly untrue, i was beyond what they're asking of me for acceptance.)
- a few days ago she decided she wanted me to not go to collage next year. i don't know where she expects me to live. i wonder whats happened to my collage-savings.
- mother finally spoke to me today, while i was doing homework. well .. yelled at me. apparently even though we don't talk and she doesn't know what i'm thinking she's had the power to see and inform me that my opinions and the way i look at pretty much everything are wrong. i finally got her to leave the room but when the door shut i had an anxiety attack that has taken me six hours to get out of so i can go back to work.
- without noticing those six hours passed, plus the few since breakfast, & my stomach is still turning. apparently mother yelling at me is an amazing appetite suppressant because i've eaten less than 200 calories today.
- i'm going to overhaul this layout because i'm going to further my procrastination & it's just bothering me.
- i am catching up on your blogs, using google reader i was about 300+ behind, i've got 112 entries left.
- apparently without me at school all hell's broken loose with this one group of friends. lot's of fighting & a tone & a half of drama. i've been called upon, i've got to go tomorrow to set everyone straight. god i hate these people. none of them called even though i've been missing for three weeks. none called until they started fighting with each other, & still no one asked how i was.
- i've got three weeks of assignments to do in the next ten hours if i don't sleep.
- there's been more, but really nothing that continues to effect me currently so no need to be caught up on it.
- if you've made it to the end of this list .. thanks for listening. it does mean a lot. probably too much - more than is healthy. but still. thanks.
staystrong, page.
just have hope. you'll get things straightened out, if not everything, then a lot of things.
ReplyDeleteim sorry to hear about mia. i'll be alright.
feel better soon lady.
:)
Oh, i'm sorry you have been ill! the flu sucks! friends like that suck, the ones who only call when they need you to do something for them! grr! Anyway! Good luck with all of your assignments ! Hope you get them done! If not, then screw them! ha ha! They cant expect you to work when you are so ill!
ReplyDeleteLove xxx
wow, that was one hell of a bad couple of weeks. I hope that it's all better now and things start to look up ! Don't listen to your mother she doesn't know buggar all about what you can do. Parents are always the same, especially mothers they think they know best and even though they're supposed to love you it's funny how they always underestimate you.
ReplyDeleteSo screw her you can do whatever you want to do :)
Hope you get better and catch up on your work.
brokenmirrors
xoxo
I hope things get better soon hun, and your mum sounds like a real bitch. i know how the friend thing is... bin there it sucks :(
ReplyDeleteOh love, you've had such a hard time as of late. I know it's hard to be hopeful, optimistic, even somewhat all there - but you're a strong person. And there's a light trying to shine through all that smoke that chokes you up. You just have to find it.
ReplyDeleteAll my luck and love ♡
Oh honey, I hope things look up soon. xx
ReplyDeleteQuite a few nasty weeks there =\ I actually want to slap your mother across the face if you don't mind... and that group of friends too. Really hope things start to look up for you <3
ReplyDelete