mother hurts worst.

i bought a new wardrobe. my current one consisted of varying shades of grey & black, sweaters & pants.
this one involves shorts that go above my knees, colour, flower patterns & bows.
needless to say some of my friends flipped a bit. i was unrecognizable to a few.
i'm a girl, who knew?

so a few days ago, technically prom night, i went out to dinner for (lucys ex & greens bestie) chili's birthday.
after much angrytalk with mother all morning i finally leave, & head out for lucys. green & chili are of course stoned even though we were supposed to meet up five hours earlier we now have to wait. uhg.
whatever; me & lucy hung out in the conservatory & looked at cacti had a picnic of carrots & cashews & banana-flavored-trail-mix.
a good night, green mostly ignored me but he's either quiet or stupid/annoying when he's stoned so i think the quiet is better.
after lucy & jay left, green very slowly kicked chili out to go to some prom-after parties, & insisted i get a drive or stay over because it was late. mother complains & complies to picking me up.
(sorry for boring back-story.)
i'm putting on my shoes, give green a big hug & let go, but he doesn't quite let go of me. i felt a little awkward so i blurted/asked something about school. (btw this is the guy i broke up with a month ago.)
he kissed me.
i didn't exactly stop him. (i still like him & he knew it.)
mother pulled up, i was like "ok-bye" & left.

so
option A: he pretends it never happened.
option B: he asks me out again.

well leave it to green to do a confusing mixture of both.

he txted me the next day "hi. are you busy today?" (he almost never txted me even while we were dating.)
i replied within the minute something along the lines of "no, but mothers home so i can't go out until later."
no reply.
five hours later, mother went out.
i txted him "so uhm .. are you busy tonight?"
no reply.

eat four bowls of icecream covered in chocolate sause,
a jumbo 10piece kitkat, & a bounty bar.
calories of death.
PURGED.

yesterday morning as i'm leaving for d&d, mother tells me i'm not allowed to go.
me & mother pointless angrytalk for awhile. i miss my bus. i miss another. frustrating.
i leave, she comes after me.
she's much stronger. she grabbes me. takes her fifteen minutes of struggling but i'm inside again, but my arms are blotchy red & bruised & hurt really bad.
i called my dad. he tried to get me to leave &or call the cops.
d&d people are angryangryangry because they are missing cottage/family time/ribfest for this but i had the nerve to txt "i'm not coming" & ditch. i couldn't say why.
i talked to my dad for an hour, read the rest of the book that was in my bag, searched my travel pillbottle for paxil - none. had to go to my room; past mother. i didn't want dull conciseness so i chose sleep.
two sleep-aids + benadryl = i'm out in fifteen minutes.

woke up late that night to my phone vibrating.
"fireworks?"
told lucy what happened. mother wasn't home so i slipped out & met up with jay.
green didn't talk to me. i guess kissing me was a spur-of-the-moment-mistake & he's going to pretend it never happened. fair enough - life's too fucked up now anyways.

(BONUS: green's going back to high school for sixth year. everyone else has graduated, so without common friends at school i'm willing to bet i'll never see him/he'll make better friends with the people in my grade he knows, AKA people who hate page. funn..)

let me announce, my official what i ate blog is now open. i post almost every day in it & i swear i'll make it more interesting soon.

so now it's 8:30 am, i haven't been able to sleep yet.

happy canada day. goodnight/morning.
staystrong, page.