-this may be long.-

seeing as on friday i had two quizzes & a presentation that i hadn't started to work on, thursday i stayed home to study & work extra hard, right? -unfortunate rhetorical question-
on thursday evening i went out to dinner for a bit of a girls night right after school. i had turned down offers of the best almonds ever &  giant chocolate chip cookies so that i would be ok for the day to eat a normal dinner.
a good friend of mine dropped out of victory lap this term to chill & work at the ski hill. (& no there isn't snow here all year round, it's seasonal work). i haven't seen her in awhile so it was catch up night.
me, lucy & (previously mentioned friend) elle met up at four at a cafe near our school. i got a chai latte while we waited for elle, & got a greek salad 400? for dinner. after i had eaten - which involved sorting vegetables, scraping all dressing & cheese off the olives, tomatoes & onions so i could move them around my plate until they were in order so i could clean my plate to perfection with garlic bread - i was told that i probably have ocd.
.. oh.
you'd think that being cheap, poor & have being already offered this food for free earlier would have stopped me, but no, i bought a cookie. i had talked to the cashier, re-arranged the signs, & still managed to finish the cookie before elle got back from the washroom. it was gone in a second.
elle doesn't know much about me & green, so lucy bothered me enough about him that she got the gist.
lucy's boyfriend (& greens cousin, who has now appeared enough to get a name ..) chef, met us at five thirty & we walked back to school where the beginning of the sears festival was being held that night. (sears festival; theater competion between schools.) we watched three performances; ours - was ok, the second - what can i say? hang gliding? .. drugs&porn more like, the third - was amazing. there were giggles throughout, people who couldn't grasp it, which is understandable. it's called mirror games & shows the relationships between parents & their children & how it affects the children in their social relationships. i guess i could just relate to most of it was all, but it made me emotional, which is hard to do.
i hope they won.

when i got home - 887
twenty minutes later - 1847
that's 50 calories per minute.

friday - yeah i defiantly failed one of those quizzes; should have studied, didn't get my big assignments in, & didn't present.
first period a girl was staring at me. "your legs" she said, then made some sort of hand gesture, "they're so .. breakable." i would have been pleased, but then i looked at hers. they must have been half mine. now mind you she is an athlete. like the kind that's not even a full time student because she spends half the day training, but whatever. i can't take people who make ridicules comments about my body seriously. gr.
lunch was spent trying to be a responsible student, but the library was closed & green showed up. hard to get much studying done with him around me.
after school me green, lucy & chef were off to go play pool. (could they have tried to make a double-date anymore obvious?)
[walking to greens beforehand -] green was talking with a couple friends of his who were walking in the same direction, me lucy & chef were talking. i was completely fine with walking myself, left green alone, tried to give lucy & chef space, but they're so sweet & included to me anyways.
when we got to greens, he & lucy really wanted to watch 500 days of summer.
during a mushier scene of the movie green got my attention & nodded at the movie.

[male character said;] "what are we doing?" (referring to his relationship with female character.)
pause.
[female character replies;] "well i'm happy .. aren't you happy?"
i look at him.
[male character;] "well, yeah."
he nods.
[female character;] "then ok."
i smile.
i love summer in this movie.

i think lucy may have conspired against me for that one.
we were cuddled up on the couch, & i heard a noise coming from the kitchen behind us. his mother was home. i told him but he didn't seem to care. i attempted to push off him a bit but he wasn't budging. she saw us, & didn't seem pleased. (i was later told that she does like me, she was just having a bad day, but i don't know how much better that makes me feel.)
all thoughts of pool abandoned, we went out for pizza.
while walking lucy & chef ever-so-ninja-like slipped off to give us some space. lucy really wants me to "define our relationship" which really means 'admit you're going out with him already'. we talked, but no amount of time in the world could ever let me explain how i feel.

i wanted pizzacesarsaladbrownieschocolatecakegalicbreadbananabreadappleschocolatechips.

i got a twill(? delicious almond cookie) from a pastry shop next store.
went back & it took awhile but i talked them out of watching saw because yes, i would scream & that wouldn't be good for badday-mother. watched anchor man instead. i fell asleep, woke up in his arms, became conscious of my stomach & put a pillow in front of me.
at some point chef got us a plate of cinnamon rolls, warm & glazed. i staired at them for quite awhile. not because i wanted them & wasn't going to eat any, but because there they were. warm & smelling delicious, & there they continued to sit. it wasn't as if they were being ignored; they were thanked for, & commented on their scent, but everyone seemed to preoccupied to reach for one.
warm sweet food sitting out for more than thirty seconds? this is a completely new concept for me.
eventually green took a piece of one for himself, & put a piece in my mouth, warm & sweet, so there were three & a half left. i didn't dare reach out & shove them all in my mouth like i wanted to. or throw the plate across the room & stomp on any remaining sugar until it was reduced to particles like i was imagining - i just staired.
after the movie, i still had an hour or so before i was going to leave. trying to decide what to do lucy asked; "green, remember when we played 'spin-the-bottle-truth-or-dare'?" "oh yeah! that was a few years ago, elle's party right? grade ten .. page were you there?" .. then he thought, & lucy looked somewhat sympathetically at me, as the words left unsaid crossed his face. no i wasn't at that party, i didn't know you guys, & i hadn't even considered what high school i was going to go to yet. oh well. green pulled out a brain teaser game & we just asked the questions. i won. that made up for it a bit i guess.
green wanted to kiss me, i laughed it off & shook my head. looked straight forward. he kissed my cheek.
when i was dropped off chef was still with us. he (unbeknownst to both me & green) got out of the car & said he would give us time to talk.
no amount of time in the world ..
though a wonderful gesture on chef's part no doubt.

when i got home; 250
thirty minutes later i was far past 1300.
that's 35 calories per minute.

saturday - green asked me to go to a show that night with him. i couldn't
stayed home & wallowed while watching 2010 & close encounters of the third kind.
when mother returned around two am, she seemed to be in a good mood. i told her i wanted to go to this concert in a few months. (mother goes to multiple concerts a month, so they're one of the few things she usually doesn't deny me.) she looked straight forward ..
me; you're going aren't you?
..
you're going to my ultimate concert.
mother; well i don't know how you'll feel about this, but i bought two ..
(she usually finds someone to go with her or scalps the second.)
me; AAAAHH!!!!!!
-jumps of joy shake the small house-
mother; they're on the fridge.
i have to go a through envelopes of unopened tickets, (& discover that she's going to see 'cage the elephant' in a month -envy-) before i discover them. two tickets - general admission.
if they're not sold out GA means i can get someone to go with me. mosh pits don't agree with my frame when it's alone.
mother; .. happy birthday then.

today/sunday- talked to daddy.
him & his wife are now unemployed. they can't sell their other house, & can't afford to move back into it.
we're officially broke.
my friend called - extremely upset because her grandfather died.
i didn't know what to say, what to do.
i tried. she hung up on me.
i don't blame her, i would have too.
(i called another, more in touch with her emotions friend & asked her to give the upset friend a call. it's the best i could do.)

throughout the day; 544
in one hour it hits; 1760.
i see a pattern.

things to do this week;
1. 750 max.
2. reconnect with unseen friends of my own age.
3. rock friday's presentation. & by 'rock' i mean don't cry/become hysterical/pass out/throw up while presenting.
4. be on time for school every day.
5. hand in all assignments by their due-dates.

hello to anamiaoligarchy, neverfit & lola!
eightteen followers?!
staystrong & sleeptight!