last night ..

last night while catching up on some wonderful blogs, i finally checked my phone.
green called; twice.
so i called him back - awkward? very.

11:30pm-1:00am ish i binged.
i knew it was bad.
i could tell as i was piling on the peanut butter, & the honey, while waiting for more english muffins to toast, & eating my banana, after my fruit bar, that
this
was
bad.
perhaps this was a boy fueled binge, but really; i should be getting skinnier for him, i should want to run down to his weight. not want to go away.
anyways, my rational for eating that much was that whatever my total came to, that night, all that was past 800 would be subtracted from today, and what was left i could eat.
so i stopped counting.
i hate myself when i stop counting.
i honestly believed that was the right thing to do until ten minutes ago when i tallied up;
2078
so much for that plan.

this week is exams.
my friends having a party friday.
perfect goal?
i think so too.
to get to go to this party, i'm going to have to suck up majorly.
(i'm still under indefinite grounding.)
so every time i want to eat,

here's my list of things to do first;
cleaned the bathroom?
cleaned your room?
both spotless yet?
studied for exams?
finished "a long way gone"? it might be a boring book, but that's what your exam's on.
is mother home? no - go skip. yes - go for a walk jog.

& the list will go on ..

very sad to say that although i am liking celery, & it's the one food in my fridge i should eat, it's going bad. i'm still not quite sold on negative calories - but regardless it's still crazy low.
i'm not going to weigh myself, it'll be to depressing to watch the scales go up from it when the calories kick in.

- replying to a comment left by Mina Belle -
(i did already reply more specifically to her question with my experience, but she brought up an interesting topic.)
"if you sleep a lot then you actually keep a smaller appetite. You get more hungry when you're tired because your body needs energy since it couldn't recharge from sleep."
after i had said i was awake for 35 hours.
& guess what?
she's right, absolutely and totally!
you're appetite gets smaller because your body isn't as tired and doesn't require as many calories to function. which makes it so much easier to not fall into cravings,
like the horrible beast that is me.
so get your shut eye girls!!
but everyday average sane psycho put it well when she said; "sleep is over rated" this morning. wierd coincidence ..
notice that i got the link think to work? so proud of myself. ;)

anybody want to fast this week?
name a date.

staystrong & sleepsound
beautiful ladies.