Fly's.

One time, (when i really wasn't eating so maybe my brain turned to mush, but) i became super paranoid about fly's. I'm paranoid as it is, but  these fly's, well there were quite a few of them, but basically, i knew they were there, in the house, so i didn't sleep. Loss of sleep made me even more erratic & i was convinced i could hear them buzzing in my ears all the time.
The other day, i went to my friend's cottage with her mom, who had asked me to go up for the day with her to clean & organize the place before anyone came up to stay. Outside there were baby black flies, who i could sware were swarming me. It freaked the shit out of me the entire day.

[WARNING: the following paragraph might seem a little odd, but my slef-talk statements became real statements & it was weird & this is blog where i share my weirdness.]
At the cottage, another woman had come up to help & set up her own nearby cottage. She brought up doughnuts. Being that i was up there with two older women who have mild preoccupations about their weight, (to be fair, one of them is a raquetball coach so she's really only concerned about her health & strength,) but the conversation turned to just how bad these doughnuts are while we all ate a couple. So, having had enough of this, i stepped in after one had said there was too much of somethingorother in her doughnut, & said "Do you know what's inside my doughnut, FAT. -pause- crickets chirping. Fat that's going to make my nails grow nice, & my hair smooth & strong, & my skin not so dry, & my body will absorb vitamins A E D & K. My doughnut's also got carbs, the fastest to brake down source of engergy, which is great after all that carrying stuff around that we just did. Plus carbs are the only source of energy to the nero-system which includes my bran so these carbs are only going to make me smarter.
After a moment one of them chimed in something about how good i make them sound so she 'ot to have another, & i believe she did.

I've not been eating so well, mostly over eating, & binged & purged a few times in the last week as well.
[My dog's very sick, the vet thinks he might have epilepsy. My mother's being especially difficult. I'm sort of moving in with my dad, which is stressful in itself & it's causing issues everywhere else including very minor stuff with my friends. Plus, having symptoms is just really stressful.]

I'm going to spend thursday-tuesday with my dad, hopefully that goes ok. Ack, i'm nervous.

Thanks Fat Piggy, TK, & Mich for your wonderful comments. It's nice to know that there are still people here who support me & so i know that i'm not alone.

Well, i'm off the see the psychiatrist.
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