but i strive to achieve that low a number, & that's only the average because half the time i eat nothing & the other half in going over 4000. i go that high when i forget to count, that's me eating. that little thing people say, "i'm full", that doesn't happen to me. i don't think there's ever been a point where i couldn't have eaten more.
i think i hit normal levels sometimes, like the past two days. but is the way i eat normal?
staring at a sheet of freshly baked 'tater-tots',i hit 1500, that's what i'm supposed to eat.
removing them from their greasy pan & cleaning it.
putting them all back, (the perfect non-squished non-crumbled ones anyway,)
& re looking at their new found perfection on this tray.
realizing that they're still not right & ordering them in lines of how crispy they are. getting the package & calculating that they're 20 calories each.
then eating the first five. 100 the crispy one's are the best.
shove in another five. 200
- that's the labeled serving.
they're dry & cold. i've moved them around too much. ruined them.
grab ten more, gobble them in. 400
ten more, hands are getting greasy. 600
i should really leave the kitchen. the last one. 620
there isn't any more.mother comes in & yells at me for eating them all.
i ate them all.
i want more.
i already ate dinner.
i'm full.
my stomach is full.
but i could eat a million more & not be done.
she says i'll be a "pimply porky pig", not a hint of joking in her tone.
i hate her, but she's still right.
today i finished off at 800.
i was content.
no stomich rumbling, i was fine.
i saw a box of crackers. i don't like crackers.
i pulled out cream cheese & didn't stop until it was gone.
it didn't do anything for me, i'm not happier than i was. i wasn't hungry. i didn't need or want them. then why is all the cheese in the house gone?
& why did it take me until it was gone to realize what i had just done?
the same thing happened with a new jar of peanut butter last week. (full-fat.)
& a jar of honey a few days before that. (ick - i don't even like sweet candy; the honey's there for my tea.)
is that normal?
ima go with no.
as mentioned - im a bit of a fuckup. so i forgot that wednesday was st. patrick's day & couldn't fast.
friday(tomorrow) i'm accompanying a friend to her driving permit test, & i might be going out to a friends house in the evening, so i may not have a complete fast. i'll get tea in the morning & get diet pop at night. hope that's ok. i'll just ban snack foods & say my stomach's bothering me. ;) i'll still support anyone else that wanted to join!
pollydolly - i live in suburban part of toronto. it's an interesting mix of suburbia with access uber-urban city.blanch - my ana, is page. she's who i strive to impress.
mina belle - thanks.
that was an actual page of an old diary of sorts. i just took out the boring-er parts.
staystrong & get some sleep,
page.
u kno it kind of sounds like maybe your body is craving certain essential minerals like mayb the cream cheese for the calcium or sodium and the peanut butter for protein. or tater tots for starch or sodium. u could take a daily multivitamin which could possibly decrease ur consumptions just based on ur body needfor certain minerals. so it's not that u can't contol it eating but that ur body tries to get wat it needs out of the food that is available. does that make sense. so regardless of if I eat it cuts down on cravings ( wen I remember to take them)
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