brand new.

i've fucked up the last few days, i thinks it's the being-within-a-certain-distance-of-mother stress-sickness, but i really take a lot of the blame.
there were; pies sundays chicken cookies chocolate crossonts garlic cheese bacon cookies chocolate crossonts booster juice cereal cereal cereal cereal smoothies egg salad sandwiches cookies chocolate crossonts all at amounts far above even a normal person should consume.
friday i went downtown, shopping & such. there was a lot of walking, & my knee kind of freaked & started clicking. it poured rain, but i still had fun. shopped a bit, & there was this corseted dress, i was having trouble getting it on & it was a 4! crapcrapcrapcrap. it was just pulled tight for the hanger, but it still bothers me. a lot of food. & then i joined a who can eat more? challenge. there are a few guys, who eat insane amounts, & still manage they tiniest physique, that im up against, but they don't know how much i can binge. i could beat them all. but then i might have to fast for three weeks to pull even & that wouldn't go well for me.
sunday i went shopping again - yeah i'm a 4. fuckityfuckfuck. i did buy a few nice new things, & didn't eat anthing through the day, but on the way home we stopped at mcdonals. (what is it with this place?) i went from ordering 300, to 1000+ after i went back & got a few deserts.
today i went to the ROM. (royal ontairo museum.) got to see some cool stuff. walked my ass off. window shopped for quite a while too. but; on the subway there, i got cookies 580, egg sandwich & veggies for lunch 500?, booster juice 450?, cookies & chocolate crossonts on the way back 600 & 450, chocolate bar 400, two bowls of cereal & soy milk 390, hot chocolate 80.

~ 3500. 

& thats not even as bad st the other two days.
to brake even with a regular food schedule, i'd have to fast for the next week to make up for those.
so yeah .. fuckup.

today i bought a little book. it's tall & slim & black & white & perfect. this little book will acompany me everywhere & every time something passes my lips, it must be written down. if i can't write it, don't eat it. if i don't know all the nutrition facts, it can't be written. that's it. no more counting in my head.
everything will be written in pen & if i total up a day, nothing can be added therefore nothing eaten.
tomorrow i'm going to get my hair cut. im broke, no more spending twenty dollars on food each time i go out. if i need something, i'll get a tea.
tomorrow will be under 200.
wednesday is a fast.
thursday is under 400.
friday is a fast.
Mina Belle is going to join me on wednesday & friday! anyone else in? anyone who wants a txting buddy? (mina is looking & i'm sorry hun but i can't.)

 im looking crappy now, but i cannot gain for when green get's back from europe. he will have been around gorgious tan slender tall women, & i must show him i might be capable of beauty too. i can't very well do that if im all gross.
fun fact; translucent powder - the colour of makeup you would buy as a finishing powder, colourless, one shade fits all kind. the lightest finish. .. is too tan for my pale-ness because yeah - i am that white.

athANAsy; peanut butter is death, but hears the secret; i've discovered diabetic jam is 5 calories per tbsp. that's life. ;)
yeah - she's errmm .. that. you're right.
julie; mine's coming up soon too - i'm having a tea party with little cakes n' stuff. lots of black tea & nobody'll notice if im too busy chatting up company to have a treat. ;) good-luck.
agreed, i hate temptation. i mean, even if it's not really affecting me, it's annoying that it's there. i can't wait to have my own house, my own shopping list .. ahhh .. peace.


staystrong & sleep tight ladies!
good-night.

- spring's almost here .. -