school is in session.

school started on monday, back from winter brake.
monday i was in far to deep of a black hole to attend school. tuesday morning was the same.
by noon on tuesday i had managed to get up, & decided it was a good idea to go to school to collect & hand in work. let my teachers know that i might eventually return.
anyways.
walking into school, 3 minutes before the bell, i ran into green (,a good friend i had liked a while back). he had mentioned a few days before that he wanted to talk to me about something, & since i usually don't run into him at school, (he's a few years older,) i assumed that was why he started walking with me instead of continuing home.
blah blah blah. i caught up with some friends, promised to attend class for a few teachers. green wanted to talk for a sec so we stopped in a hall, while my wonderful friends made funny faces behind his back & i tried not to laugh.

then he asked me out.

i was in such a state of shock i had to ask him to repeat himself, & i still didn't hear him. i became totally flabbergasted & did my whole completely nervous stuttering, with lots of over exaggerated hand movements. while completely tongue tied i guess i mumbled something about talking to / answering him tomorrow & walked away.
i really don't think it would have been that bad if i wasn't so taken off guard. but still; it was bad.
he called me later after i had sat on my friends couch for two hours trying to figure out what to say, & getting nowhere. mostly because; i don't want a boyfriend. i can't handle someone touching me, or wanting to be with me. as messed up as i am, i know it. i acknowledge that for myself, but i'm not sure if i could handle it if someone wanted to be apart of me. that's too scary.
against my better judgement, i agreed to a date. a date is fine. multiple dates are fine.
not "going out", not "dating", not "together".

it'll be fine // i hope.